I saw the most beautiful wedding dress today. All the others were nothing compared to this one I layed my eyes on. One of my good friends is getting married in august so me and her spent some time in a wedding store today. I’m happy for her because I know she is marrying a great guy. Still it’s all kind of surreal. That she’s getting married I mean because I've known her for so long. And I have a feeling things will not be quite the same anymore.

As for me and my point of view of the whole marriage thing I really don’t know where I stand.
They say most girls have been dreaming of their wedding since they were little. Well, I’m not one of those girls. I don’t know why. I guess the thought of marriage has never really gotten me excited. But what can I say, divorce has sort of been all around me as long as I can remember. So maybe that’s why. I still think the dress was amazing though.

There's a lot on my mind these days. I feel dizzy thinking about it all sometimes. Important decisions hanging like a burden over my shoulders, makes me wish I was a kid again. The time when I had no worries what so ever, when every day seemed like a new little adventure. I hate still not really having a passion for any kind of achievable occupation. But I have a few clues to go after though. Like I know I want to work with people. My worst nightmare would probably be sitting in an office day in and day out dealing with boring paperwork for the rest of my life. Not that it's anything wrong with people who choose that kind of work. It's just not for me if you know what I mean. Still... the perfect occupation for me doesn't seem to exist. Becoming a teacher for instance has always been out of the question. Like many others I have this fear of speaking in front of many people at a time, if what I say has some sort of importance that is. Speaking of presentation fright, a friend of mine told me today that people had chosen speaking in public as their number one fear with death only on second place. It's funny, I have little fear of dying, but I totally become this nerve wreck when I have to deal with speaking in front of a whole class. My head seems to stop functioning right at the point when I spot the 30 eyes staring at me. It's like suddenly the only thing that comes up is, "what the hell was I saying" and at the same time forgetting half the information I'm supposed to share. So the whole presentation becomes a total mess every single time.

Most likely I'll end up as a nurse and of course I do believe I would like it to some extent. But do I burn for it? No, I can't say that I do to be honest and that bothers me. Though I enjoy helping others and meeting new challenges a long the way, I admit my weak points. Like having a phobia for needles. I have passed out every time I got stuck by a needle in my past the last couple of years, except for the time I took my navel piercing. Then my face only turned white, escaping the black out part. Maybe my fear is improving? I don't know but I certainly hope so. My other weakness is me getting easily grossed out. Some of my friends work in the health area and they all have quite disgusting stories to tell. Stories I would probably die experiencing. Still I do think nursing would be an okay choice for me if I say to my self that I will get used to all the unpleasant things that comes along with nursing. Am I insane? Maybe, but all the other occupations I have considered have more downsides to them then nursing and I have to choose a future now. Arghh, I'm just confused. That's all.

Guess it's about time to update this thing. Easter has gone by quite normal this year. Shitty weather, my mother decorating the whole house with these ridiculous but cute easter figures of all kind, my sister getting an even bigger easter-egg then the year before, filled with delicious chocolates from the best chocholatestore in town and me staying away from home as much as possible. Anyway, her egg is huge I'm telling you. I can tell the size of it has increased slightly from each year. I know, my mother apparently thinks she's still too thin desperately trying to get some more meat on her. But it's not working. I mean, she can eat till her face turns blue without any change. I didn't get anything, probably because I'm the fat one... No I'm really not fat at all actually, not even close. But I didn't get as much as a tiny little easter-egg. Well, I guess the fact is I'm way too old for this anyway.

I think spring has finally come to Bergen. Strange enough, we actually have sun. A lot of it in fact. It's been at least 40 days without rain here and that's incredibly rare. I didn't really get it at first when a friend of mine said we had to save on the water. The words didn't seem to make any sense at all. I just stood there with a big question mark on my face. I bet it's easier to sell sand in Sahara then to get someone from Bergen to take that seriously. I mean in autumn we were drowning in rain. I think it even was a record and now we have lack of water. Strange times I must say. Anyway, my cheeks have turned pink after being out in the sun all day. Sunburned in april, not bad considering I'm not up in the mountains or anything. And my mood is better then ever. Really, it doesn't take much to make me smile and laugh at the moment. Love it! I also have a feeling something good is going to happen. I can't explain, I just have that feeling sometimes. And... of course nothing's better than finishing this weekend with a great movie like this evening. "Before sunrise". A girlie movie perhaps, but what can I say, I am a girl...or woman. Jesus, woman is probably more correct to say at this age. Whatever!

As you can see, I have also started to write "poetry" just recently. I've never written anything like it ever before. I don't even know if it's qualified to be called poetry. Okay, bad poetry then, but it's fun in a way and this is my blog. So why not...