There's a lot on my mind these days. I feel dizzy thinking about it all sometimes. Important decisions hanging like a burden over my shoulders, makes me wish I was a kid again. The time when I had no worries what so ever, when every day seemed like a new little adventure. I hate still not really having a passion for any kind of achievable occupation. But I have a few clues to go after though. Like I know I want to work with people. My worst nightmare would probably be sitting in an office day in and day out dealing with boring paperwork for the rest of my life. Not that it's anything wrong with people who choose that kind of work. It's just not for me if you know what I mean. Still... the perfect occupation for me doesn't seem to exist. Becoming a teacher for instance has always been out of the question. Like many others I have this fear of speaking in front of many people at a time, if what I say has some sort of importance that is. Speaking of presentation fright, a friend of mine told me today that people had chosen speaking in public as their number one fear with death only on second place. It's funny, I have little fear of dying, but I totally become this nerve wreck when I have to deal with speaking in front of a whole class. My head seems to stop functioning right at the point when I spot the 30 eyes staring at me. It's like suddenly the only thing that comes up is, "what the hell was I saying" and at the same time forgetting half the information I'm supposed to share. So the whole presentation becomes a total mess every single time.

Most likely I'll end up as a nurse and of course I do believe I would like it to some extent. But do I burn for it? No, I can't say that I do to be honest and that bothers me. Though I enjoy helping others and meeting new challenges a long the way, I admit my weak points. Like having a phobia for needles. I have passed out every time I got stuck by a needle in my past the last couple of years, except for the time I took my navel piercing. Then my face only turned white, escaping the black out part. Maybe my fear is improving? I don't know but I certainly hope so. My other weakness is me getting easily grossed out. Some of my friends work in the health area and they all have quite disgusting stories to tell. Stories I would probably die experiencing. Still I do think nursing would be an okay choice for me if I say to my self that I will get used to all the unpleasant things that comes along with nursing. Am I insane? Maybe, but all the other occupations I have considered have more downsides to them then nursing and I have to choose a future now. Arghh, I'm just confused. That's all.