Been listening to Kelly Clarkson all weekend. Finally I am starting to like her(didn't in the beginning). Why do I really like her all the sudden? Hmm! She's an amazing singer I think. I especially like this one song from her called "Addicted". I absolutely love that song and she sings it so beautifully. It's a little depressing though, but I like those kind of songs. I just wanted to say that, don't know why really. What is it with me today? Oh,fuck it. I write what I like.

Arghh, sunday nothing ever happens on sundays. I'm bored. Well, me and my sister went to see our grandparents just to have something to do. Anyway, we don't see them too often so it's about time we went for a visit. They crack me up. I mean they are completely different from one another, but still they have stuck together for 45 years. They are like day and nigh I'm telling you. Every time my grandmother says something, my grandfather rolls his eyes like he just want to disappear into nothingness, heh. And when my grandfather for instance tells one of his (not so funny jokes, but they are so stupid that they become funny if you know what I mean) jokes, my grandmother gives him this look with her eyes that can kill. Still, they are married But they NEVER fight, at least I haven't seen them do that before. I guess, that's what marriage does to you in the end. But god, if I ever get married, I hope it never gets that ugly.

After coming home from our visit, my sister discovers she has forgotten her mobile phone at my grandparents house. Great! Of course I had to drive back and get it. You have no choice having a driving license in my family. I can't say this license always is to my advantage like I thought it would be in the beginning. Everybody expects me to be their driver every time there's somewhere they have to go (or wanna go). Especially in this family. So I have become my sisters personal slave with my mothers blessing. My mother thinks I'm obligated to drive her wherever she wants, when she wants. Can't wait till the day she gets her own which should be in a couple of months. Isn't life just great...

Went to the hairdresser today to get a total transformation. I know I have sort of neglected my hair not being there since april or something. I just haven't cared shit about how I look the last couple of months. Anyway this time I just wanted to go in there and say they can do whatever they want with it, but a sissy as I am, I didn't dare to. You never know if the hairdresser has a freaky taste or not. It took about three hours to clean my messy hair up. THREE! That's a fucking record. I promise myself I will never ever let it go that long before my next visit. Don't ask me how it looks, cause I haven't yet decided if I like it or not. All I can say is that it's different, and short. Maybe too short and that's not good.

I'm headed of to the city soon. I have a feeling I'll be drinking more then usual this evening, drowning all my stupid problems in alcohol. I'm kinda in a careless mood today.

I have had enough!

Finally I've quit my job and it feels good. Well, more specifically both bad and good. Good for me bad for this lady. Kind of bittersweet. But I have been longing to quit my job for quite some time now. My work wasn't really that bad though. I honestly didn't have to do much other then sit around keeping this lady company. But what can I say other than it bored the hell out of me, after a while that is. I feel sorry for her of course, but it's not fair against the lady or to the company I am working for if I stay, so continuing is out of the question for me. My family thinks I'm crazy giving up this job almost doing nothing, getting a significantly higher salary then most uneducated people my age. But I need some action while at work and being among people my own age. Or else I'll die. I actually prefer being a little stressed out then feeling completely useless. I sort of miss working at the cantina like I used to before, but the salary there sucks though. At least it was something I enjoyed doing.
Anyway, this lady will be much better off with someone else then me. I will check up on her though once in a while.

So people, soon I'll be unemployed. Again! Looking for a new job. Again!

There's this chocolate factory close to where I live and I've always wanted to work there. Well, actually I have for a day or so in my early teens in combination with a school project. Those chocolates tasted heavenly I tell you, fresh as they were coming straight from the machines. But I know that wouldn't be good for me at all. I would probably be stuffing myself with chocolate every day. I know myself too well. It's a no no for sure.

And yes, I know it’s hard getting a job these days. Wish me luck!

Where did winter go?

I have to say It's been a strange winter here in Bergen. I feel like the whole winter has gone by with hardly any snow. It's like we are stuck in autumn or something. It's true we don't usually have much snow and we are without doubt dominated by rain, but still this winter has been odd . Maybe it's just me after surviving the harsh winter in Tromsø last year. It could be! Okay, that is likely I have to admit.

It is also the winter holiday this week. Well not for me, I'm unfortunately not one of those lucky ones, but for many. Mainly during this one week holiday, every vacation trip to the south is sold out to pale Norwegians desperately trying to get away from this sad climate. Who can blame them. I would go too if I could. But I can't.

So now I have fled into my room for a few seconds. Some family members are pretty talkative and I need a little break. It happens to be that the whole family is here to celebrate mothers day which makes me think. Since when did any of us ever care for this day? Weird!

We have just finished a big meal with a delicious panacotta for dessert and now Bjørn is calling me for cake. Are they mad? I can't seriously eat anything more. He's been cooking for me and my sister all week. Heh, I'll get fat. Okay, maybe it's cool for now, but this week I'm gonna have to stay away from all that tastes good. A sort of fruit and vegetable week. Yuck! Well what doesn't a girl do for her looks... Gotta go.

I don't want to look back anymore. In fact I refuse it, at least for now. I'm sick of my pessimistic thoughts. I want to be optimistic. Why is that so hard?

Anyway, all of us have to accept that life isn't supposed to be perfect all the time. It's full of ups and downs. Sometimes life is great and sometimes miserable as hell, but mostly in my case it's not too bad. So why can't I just appreciate that? What am I complaining on and on about? Why can’t I be the good human being I long to be and embrace what I have? Is it so that I can be labelled to the group of self-centred bastards? God, I hope not.
But I often seem to distort things really badly and sink into this ridiculous state of self-pity which I think by the way is the answer to my own questions.

Just to let those of you who actually read my blog know, I tend to write when I'm feeling a little down, resulting in my blog getting kind of gloomy. I will try to lighten it up a bit in my next posts.

Now I have to go.

What I miss about Tromsø

In case you don't know Tromsø, it's a small city way up north in Norway. It's funny how much I actually miss living there. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite fond of Bergen, but Tromsø is so... different. In a good way I mean. There's so many things that makes this city special, but of course it has its downsides as well. How do you think you would handle not seeing the sun for a whole winter? It's so dark you wouldn't believe it. The snow contributes to light up a bit though. Anyway I sure didn't think much of it before I left Bergen. Of course I can handle the winter darkness i thought to myself. Piece of cake. But that was and is indeed the biggest downside of Tromsø I think. It is quite something what lack of sunlight does to you in the long run. The dark sky surely has its way of sucking out what's left of your energy after long days at the university. The result? Dead tired, but luckily I got more and more used to it. Thank god!

I can also remember how cold it was. Bergen is nothing compared to that city of ice. It didn't matter how much clothes I was wearing or if the ovens in my apartment where fired up to the maximum. It was still freezing which by the way left me with a ridiculous high electricity bill. But there are some fine memories and those I will never forget. I was more pissed of about it then, but now there's a smile on my face just thinking about all of it.

I remember feeling like Bambi on the ice walking up and down the streets there. Boy, did I have some embarrassing moments that year. Before I knew it, my feet no longer touched the ground and boom, there I was laying flat on the icy ground with nothing but unwanted attention, feeling the pain immediately taking over. The worst part was getting up the little hill where I had my apartment. You wouldn't believe how I had to struggle up there. Mostly I had to hold on to these monsters of needle bushes while dragging myself upwards. Cause if I didn't I'd bee sliding against my will downwards again. It has to be said that I accomplished most of my attempts getting to my apartment though. But once, I decided to try a new strategy so I could get to my way around. Of course I was really drunk at the time that idea struck my mind. I took a new back way I had never walked before. When the snow reached my chest I finally realized that this way wasn't the smartest way to take after all. Silly me! I mostly get my brilliant ideas after drinking, getting more creative by each drink. Unfortunately you don’t get both smart thinking and a creative mind by letting the alcohol take control.

So what is it that draws me back to this place? How can I miss this city so much?
Well I'm so thankful that I got the opportunity to get to know such great people. Many of them where so entertaining. I had some good laughs all right. Oh, how I miss them.

What else do I miss then?

I certainly miss watching the northern lights flashing beautifully over the black sky. It's breathtaking. Like nothing I had ever seen before. I was just as fascinated the last time I got to experience such a sight as the first. I also miss breathing in clean air and just walking with some friends in town doing nothing but joking around.
And I do admit that I miss the university as well even though I cursed it a few times.

No, I don't regret my year up there. Not for a second...

I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold,
And the stars grow old...

Bayard Taylor