School starts tomorrow (lung diseases), woho. I've actually missed it. Now who would have thought that! I'm ready for another semester. If I should do anything differently, it better be taking more care of myself rather then pushing myself to the point of total exhaustion. I mean so many commented that I looked sick when I came home for Christmas. I think I actually was... kind of. I'm still weak, but i'm better and that's good.

I'm going out tonight, without drinking. This should get interesting.

Have you ever felt that even though you're surrounded by all these people, you still feel fucking alone. It's so sad...

Tomorrow I’m going back to my own flat in Førde(thank god). This year I’ve learned something and that is that I’m too old to stay this long at my mothers house. Every little annoying thing have started to build up a indescribable crappy mood. It’s like I have become someone else... someone not very nice.

And this freaky thing happened today. I was at the gym when I saw him. The guy who attacked me when I was about 4, which lead to half of my face bruised. I did manage to get away fortunately. He was around 17-18 then. I’m not traumatised or anything about that episode, I just remembered his face, even after 16 years. It was just bloody weird.

I stepped on the scale today. Yes, I did! I know i've probably been eating for 3 people these last couple of weeks( It's like, god, I'm eating EVERYTHING at the moment). Still I didn't think the number I saw was fucking possible. Should I laugh, cry... I don't know. Anyway I overreacted, because the next thing I did was running out to the gym were I bought myself some pilates and yoga dvd’s, plus all the equipment needed. So now I'm broke again and I'm going "shopping" tomorrow with some friends. Yes, I've done it again. Fuck! These dvd’s better work...

Good old family dinners, don’t you just love them... I thought nothing more would surprise me, but let me tell you, I’m still learning new things about my own family. Maybe I didn’t pay enough attention before to see the things I’m experiencing now, but it doesn’t really matter. I’m quite careless at the moment. I feel I have accepted my families imperfection all though I still get annoyed at times(like recently). I’m not bitter at all, even though I might not have the ideal family.

But for my own therapies sake, I’ll write this down. I’ll tell you about my grandfather (truly an original), which was pretty drunk this evening. How wonderful... At Christmas it was my grandmother and now my grandfather strikes. Not a single person in the history of our family has ever seen him drunk before, so the rest of the people were pretty shockt. In addition to this strange event, he was rambling earlier this evening about him being practically as good as temperance. Yeah right! My grandmother was furious haha.You should of seen her face! My grandfather: «I don’t feel too good, so I’m going out for a walk. My grandmother: «Yeah you do that. I hope a rocket hits your ass on your way». They seem to hate each other pretty badly unfortunately, and treating each other like shit is a daily occurrence , but who knew alcohol was the answer to my grandfathers soft sides.

Later on he drank even more(thanks to Bjørn), showing me albums of him and my grandmother when they were young(they were quite handsome), telling me that he’d never known anyone as beautiful and wonderful as her and how lucky he was. He was actually acting completely opposite from what I’m used to. It wasn’t no longer this asshole that, and that asshole this... No, tonight he said so many sweet things about so many people. Like how he cried the time when my aunt came home telling everyone that she had passed her last exam, and was a newly educated dentist. Charming I have to say, cause I would never have guessed. Then he walked away happily singing the whole rest of the night. That’s my grandfather as I like him all right:) It was kind of exhausting listening to him though, but somehow I think it's too bad he's not acting this way more often.

I never drink in association with my family, nor does my mother. We have our reasons, especially me. Yeah, I’m traumatised(like who Isn’t), but that’s another topic.

Currently listening to: Christel Alsos-Come on

happy new year everyone:D

Goals for 2007 (in random sequence):
- Pass all my exams
- Fall in love( again, if possible)
- Become less self-centred
- Be more understanding and patient when it comes to my own family
- And one more, but this one is a secret!!