Things that are going trough my mind

At this very moment I am missing that strong feeling that love gives you. The warm tingle inside you that occurs when ever you are close to your love. Perhaps this wouldn’t be any good for me since I’m leaving Bergen soon. I mean if I did fall in love with someone now, it would be even more sad abandoning this city and I can’t afford somebody holding me back at this point in life. That’s the rational part of me speaking, because I know I would sacrifice leaving Bergen if I did develop strong emotions for someone. Still, I long for that feeling sometimes. To care deeply for someone else. Then it’s not about me anymore, but an other little soul which may as well be as lost as I am at the moment. The strange thing is that I have this desire in me now, which has been totally absent in my past. The desire to make this one person feel like the luckiest person alive. This may be considered silly and unrealistic,but at the same time it’s true. Yes, I’m one of those people who believes in sincerely, everlasting love. Many would probably say I’m young and naive, but even if I am, the thought of this makes me happy and it gives me hope. It makes every second being in this state of mind worth it. And it makes me maybe more patient than ever. Am I finally starting to grow up? The child in me is still present at times I admit, but for some reason I’m not quite the same anymore.

It seems to me that everything that has happen in the past has strengthen me instead of tearing me down like I have believed for so long. Like many others, I have this habit of looking at all the bad stuff in my life instead of seeing things for what they truly are. Can you imagine how boring life would be if everything was perfect? Then there wouldn’t be any point in going on with our life's and how sad isn’t that? A perfect life is nothing more then a well-known illusion, but of course the best we can get out of life is somehow close to this illusion. I know I have had to learn some things the hard way, especially when it comes to love. Funny enough though, I’m glad I have gotten to experience even the toughest lessons in my life. Okay, sometimes I feel my life is cursed, I mean really doomed, being so sick of people constantly leaning on me and not listening. Sometimes I just want someone to lean on too. At the same time I feel incredibly blessed getting trough such difficult times in a whole piece. After all I learn the best from these kind of experiences. I can honestly say that I tend to confuse myself and maybe my readers as well, but with a little introspection, I have come to the conclusion that this is how I really feel. I may not be the same tomorrow, considering the fact that my feelings may swing the opposite direction faster than the speed of light, This is unfortunate I think. These thoughts of mine tend to be so unstable and fragile. But if I just sit down for a moment, clear my mind and think, this is the answer I end up with over and over again...